T-Minus 48 hours
Two days. In exactly two days I'll be off for good, and right now I am thinking that I should feel something. Its still not real to me. Packing should be sending me into a panic, but it just fills me with a mild urge to sleep. I am still sick from my insane week in Montreal. I am not getting involved in any drawn out goodbyes, having none to make. I feel drained and disinterested in everything.
Looking around, my room is a disaster of non-packed objects that will not be coming with me. I decided against bringing photographs for my walls, having too many to choose from, and being unwilling to take them out of their frames for fear of damage. Instead, I will take Jordan's advice and try not to dwell on the people I have left behind.
And I assume that I feel afraid, anxious. Last year a friend told me how feeling disjointed and lost had become normal to him, and I think I know now exactly what that means. I cannot dredge up a shred of panic because I don't have anything to panic about. There is nothing out of the ordinary with this situation: I am leaving somewhere familiar and going somewhere unfamiliar. I am leaving friends behind and I may never see them again. The difference is that none of this home, this familiarity is in Vancouver, it was in Montreal. I left Montreal last spring, and again yesterday, but in reality... in reality leaving Vancouver is not the hard part. The hard part is having the energy to do this all over again next year. In fact, the only thing I am feeling right now is that way too soon I will be telling a life goodbye.
Looking around, my room is a disaster of non-packed objects that will not be coming with me. I decided against bringing photographs for my walls, having too many to choose from, and being unwilling to take them out of their frames for fear of damage. Instead, I will take Jordan's advice and try not to dwell on the people I have left behind.
And I assume that I feel afraid, anxious. Last year a friend told me how feeling disjointed and lost had become normal to him, and I think I know now exactly what that means. I cannot dredge up a shred of panic because I don't have anything to panic about. There is nothing out of the ordinary with this situation: I am leaving somewhere familiar and going somewhere unfamiliar. I am leaving friends behind and I may never see them again. The difference is that none of this home, this familiarity is in Vancouver, it was in Montreal. I left Montreal last spring, and again yesterday, but in reality... in reality leaving Vancouver is not the hard part. The hard part is having the energy to do this all over again next year. In fact, the only thing I am feeling right now is that way too soon I will be telling a life goodbye.
posted by Care | 11:44 PM
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