Leaving

I am leaving today.

Yesterday we went down to the beach and walked through sunshine, breathed mountains and saltwater deep into our bodies. The bright afternoon somehow knowing that I would need it then, in my memory. Where am I going?

I feel lost and strange but strangely normal, cannot seem to bring myself to feel for this. Excitement? None, and very little else. Mild apprehension, guilt, exhaustion certainly. I just need this to be over and to be settled. I want to get back to some semblance of normalcy, anywhere but here. So accustomed to the constant change, I just want to rest after four months of movement.

Last night I asked him if he thought that I was doing the right thing. He told me it was the right thing for me right now. I couldn't help but feel cheated of an answer, even though I am more than aware that there is no answer to give.