Finally, drinks

I'm going out for drinks tonight to celebrate being finished one of my papers. The second is plodding and I can't bring myself back to it, so left it alone for the rest of the day, indulging in Lost episodes and slow fantasies of Matthew Fox. Mmm. But seriously, I feel like its about time I got thoughtful about something.

If I had been told this time last year that I would be right here, right now, I would have laughed. And isn't that always how life works? Expect the unexpected, that sort of thing. This is perhaps the first new year that has passed unnoticed, passed without some sort of reflection, contemplation, this year I was empty of it all. Very zen. It seems lately that 'very zen' has described an awful lot. Today I stumbled across a company website, one that I looked at and thought that it was what I would love to do, and life became very real for a moment.

Back here in denial I'm going out for drinks. Getting ready to leave the house and look presentable for the first time in ages, and it feels really good to be social again. I feel like I have forgotten how to speak over the course of these weeks.

I spoke to Jordan today, as always felt connected across this imaginary ocean, and all thought-provoking felt like it had already been done, already been said. We wonder about the future, about adventure, about how tempting the easy things are and how scary the adventures can be, how safety is something that finds you too quickly. Look! I want to yell, look how safe this is all of a sudden! This is the safest thing I've ever done! And I know that isn't true, but where does it leave me? Feeling like I'm somehow losing out, somehow copping out of something bigger. As Jordan asked, so where does that leave you, between London and Vancouver? I don't know, I just don't know Jordan. But thank you my friend, thank you as always, for asking me the questions I need to consider.