From top to bottom...

Tuesday I was on top of pretty much everything except academics, something I've become quite accustomed to around here, so basically I was on top. Spent a great afternoon with one of my fellow defensemen, chatting and losing track of time, then wandered home. Spent the evening being lavished with the best of all possible attentions, and had a nice early night full of sleep.

Today is Thursday and I've toppled, of my own volition. Having slept through class because I was up late last night lamenting my weaknesses and taking control of things. I told him I felt that I wasn't worth dating, he denied it, and I believed him. I know that somewhere in his head I'm a point of light, just as he is in mine, but that its not bright enough. So we both wander off to seek other things, but invariably come back to each other as the brightest lights in this particular sky. That's fine. Its just when the seeking comes back to bite me in the ass that things take a bad turn. So I ended things as they stood, preferring to take power now and be the one in control rather than let him finish it when he decided it was done. And I do believe that it was good, and that sooner rather than later there will be another night of flirting and watching me, of begging and feigned anger, of emails late at night asking for one more try. So I wait, and consider the implications, and know that when them come I will likely succumb, having failed to find a brighter light.