Home sweet home
I'm back, back in Oxford, back in gossip, back in friends, back in schoolwork, and it feels fan-tastic.
It was great to get away, escape, pull a little 'out of sight, out of mind' on my life here, but alas, nothing good (or bad) lasts forever, and so here I am, 9am, SSL, cubicle, running one sentence in my introduction over and over in my mind until it sounds just right. I have failed on my last few attempts, so a break was in order. Break to write. Oh how much is there to say?
G was right, I am far too pessimistic sometimes, but we all try to protect ourselves. Much as I'd convinced myself that he wasn't replying out of dislike, that voice inside my head somehow knew what was meant to happen. Keeping in the bad-crazies (or even some of the good ones) is all I'm worried about right now.
Its almost as if there is nothing to say about this, it seems to work through itself carelessly. For the first time I think I feel 'zen' about a man, that he is as interested as I am. And sure, sometimes I think how little I care, and other times I wonder if I'm in this too far, but mostly it just rides along nicely, and I think about how much fun we have and how much I want to see him tonight, and how it would be ok if I didn't see him for a while. Only not.
I have too many houseguests expected in the next few weeks to take this easy, since I won't be able to spend four hours curled up in his arms, nursing a hangover, when I have friends in town. Although I'm totally looking forward to my visitors.
So what do I want right now? Ideally, today I will finish my paper (looking likely) and get a good start on some things for my dissertation (a little less likely, but possible). Then I will go home and perhaps go to the gym (unlikely) followed by hockey-initiation for the man. We'll see how it all goes.
It was great to get away, escape, pull a little 'out of sight, out of mind' on my life here, but alas, nothing good (or bad) lasts forever, and so here I am, 9am, SSL, cubicle, running one sentence in my introduction over and over in my mind until it sounds just right. I have failed on my last few attempts, so a break was in order. Break to write. Oh how much is there to say?
G was right, I am far too pessimistic sometimes, but we all try to protect ourselves. Much as I'd convinced myself that he wasn't replying out of dislike, that voice inside my head somehow knew what was meant to happen. Keeping in the bad-crazies (or even some of the good ones) is all I'm worried about right now.
Its almost as if there is nothing to say about this, it seems to work through itself carelessly. For the first time I think I feel 'zen' about a man, that he is as interested as I am. And sure, sometimes I think how little I care, and other times I wonder if I'm in this too far, but mostly it just rides along nicely, and I think about how much fun we have and how much I want to see him tonight, and how it would be ok if I didn't see him for a while. Only not.
I have too many houseguests expected in the next few weeks to take this easy, since I won't be able to spend four hours curled up in his arms, nursing a hangover, when I have friends in town. Although I'm totally looking forward to my visitors.
So what do I want right now? Ideally, today I will finish my paper (looking likely) and get a good start on some things for my dissertation (a little less likely, but possible). Then I will go home and perhaps go to the gym (unlikely) followed by hockey-initiation for the man. We'll see how it all goes.
posted by Care | 8:17 AM
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