Busy like its my job
Once upon a time university was for slackers. No longer.
Thursday seems to be coffee-date day. Too bad none of them are in the least bit romantic, and one has the option of being downright poor. All of this is better than sitting in the library angsting over my dissertation. To send a whine of "lead me by the hand through all of this because I'm pathetic" to my supervisor? Or rather, to stumble through and risk being a total fuck-up. Huh. Regardless, none of this is going to get done tonight. I will sleep on it all and hopefully read some more tomorrow. Nothing will change overnight.
As this is perhaps the saddest thing about things right now, which is to say "very little is sad", but also that nothing changes overnight. Yes I have been listening to the Weakerthans on repeat for the past few hours, but that is not the point. I can't even spit it out. I asked G today what she thought, of what was a worthy dealbreaker and what was just me being neurotic and insensitive and impatient in a relationship. What you can't get from your friends should be found from your boyfriend. Which leaves me to set an expiry date on the whole thing, which is a little sad and likely not going to happen - I like him too much. I slipped out with the B-word yesterday and we both ignored it. Good sign. I got "we'ed". Another good sign, if that was what I wanted.
Tip-toeing around this is not going to help anything. But he arrives and sweeps me up without even thinking, I lose myself in hours of conversation, punctuating equilibrium. Evolution happens in fits and bursts, and one day our words will fall into place together, the rhythm will finally be right, and everything will be right where I need it.
Thursday seems to be coffee-date day. Too bad none of them are in the least bit romantic, and one has the option of being downright poor. All of this is better than sitting in the library angsting over my dissertation. To send a whine of "lead me by the hand through all of this because I'm pathetic" to my supervisor? Or rather, to stumble through and risk being a total fuck-up. Huh. Regardless, none of this is going to get done tonight. I will sleep on it all and hopefully read some more tomorrow. Nothing will change overnight.
As this is perhaps the saddest thing about things right now, which is to say "very little is sad", but also that nothing changes overnight. Yes I have been listening to the Weakerthans on repeat for the past few hours, but that is not the point. I can't even spit it out. I asked G today what she thought, of what was a worthy dealbreaker and what was just me being neurotic and insensitive and impatient in a relationship. What you can't get from your friends should be found from your boyfriend. Which leaves me to set an expiry date on the whole thing, which is a little sad and likely not going to happen - I like him too much. I slipped out with the B-word yesterday and we both ignored it. Good sign. I got "we'ed". Another good sign, if that was what I wanted.
Tip-toeing around this is not going to help anything. But he arrives and sweeps me up without even thinking, I lose myself in hours of conversation, punctuating equilibrium. Evolution happens in fits and bursts, and one day our words will fall into place together, the rhythm will finally be right, and everything will be right where I need it.
posted by Care | 6:58 PM
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